


Glacier's Pace

by briaeveridian



Series: Modern AUs [6]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben POV, Difficult Childhoods, Emotional Baggage, F/M, HEA, I'm Bad At Summaries, Modern AU, One True Pair, being a scientist is hard, ben is only grumpy until he meets rey, extra awkward Ben, extra surly Rey, photojournalist ben, physical geography grad student rey, rey is only grumpy after she meets ben, some cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/briaeveridian/pseuds/briaeveridian
Summary: To prove to his parents that photojournalism isn't a waste of time, Ben takes an assignment in Antarctica to document the changing landscape. But his arrival feels frigid in more ways than one thanks to a particular scientist who seems less than pleased by his presence.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Modern AUs [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918042
Comments: 39
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My very first Reylo fanfic idea came to me back in April 2020 before I felt confident writing stories. I sent this prompt to @galacticidiots (Tumblr) anonymously. Check it out [here](https://galacticidiots.tumblr.com/post/617298946324316160/au-where-rey-is-a-physical-geography-grad-student/).
> 
> I hope this lives up to that cuteness!

“I’ll be growing icicles from my nostrils by day’s end,” Ben grumbles, stepping off the bus onto the frozen ground.

“All good?” Kaydel asks from the driver’s seat.

“Hardly. I regret this already.”

Kaydel laughs. “If you survive long enough, it’ll grow on you.” She smirks, cheeks rounding in good humor.

“That’s a persuasive statement. I’m all the more excited to be here,” Ben replies flatly. But he quickly remembers his manners. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Sure thing. The team going to show you around are friends of mine. We should meet up tonight, ingest some liquids that keep the cold at bay.” Her eyes glimmer mischievously.

Ben gives a non-committal nod and the door glides shut. He waves once and watches the bus round a corner to the east. 

Directions make less sense than they should, for the sun refuses to follow the kind of trajectory that Ben is familiar with. He tilts his head back and scrunches his eyes, taking in the blue expanse. Each ray percolates his skin. The pleasant stillness and silence lasts a few seconds.

“That you, Mr. Photography?”

Snapping back to the present, Ben glowers at the humanoid shape in front of the dilapidated building and adjusts his luggage. The camera case is the most important, of course. It nestles in his duffle bag surrounded by extra layers to keep various lenses from cracking and numerous cloth pieces layered in to eradicate moisture from collecting inside the camera body.

This camera far surpasses the one his parents gave him almost two decades ago. For a brief instant, he allows himself to linger on the flash of their smiles and volume of excitement of that birthday. They had known how much Ben needed something _outside of himself_ that would pave the way to overcome certain barriers that had kept him in a perpetual state of defeat. 

The camera helped cut through the vicious, self-defeating voices that had plagued him during his youth, each one highlighting his insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. Han and Leia could never understand, not really, though they did try for a few years. Eventually, they ran out of ideas and patience.

But the camera was an inspired solution. It became a tool of discovery and agency that took over, growing into an obsession. He became more comfortable in his own skin by noticing, documenting, and editing photographs. The process, both creative and technical, provided anchoring when he needed it most.

Suddenly, a sharp wind arrives and he realizes he’s been standing awkwardly while the seconds tripped by. _Oh great. Zoning out in front of strangers._ His feet move in stilted tandem until he faces the entrance to the dorms. 

“I was right in assuming you’re the photographer, I hope? You were just standing there for a while...” the man asks.

“Yes, lost in thought. I’m Ben. You must be Poe.” He extends his hand and the scientist grins, accepting the shake.

“I am. Welcome to Antarctica! What do you think so far?”

_This is a chipper fellow. I wonder how long I’m stuck with him._

“So far my opinion is neither informed nor positive,” Ben replies with too much candor.

“Straight to the point. I like that.” Poe’s grin maintains its high-wattage intensity. He motions to follow him into the paint-chipped building. “Here we are, at a multi-million dollar facility that looks like, and I quote, _’a truck stop’_ to some. It may not be pretty, but we’re happy here. For the most part, I should say.”

Poe leads him down a hall bleached by artificial light. It’s narrow and off-color, clearly not having seen much upkeep. Ben’s guide removes his exterior layer, one that boasts a lining of faux-feathers around the neck. When he catches Ben eyeing the garment, he shrugs.

“It’s one of the jokes around here, everyone having a very specific preference on the topic of outerwear. It’s quite contentious because _no one_ agrees. Finn will happily give you a rundown of his favorites if you’ve got a while. Rey might end up punching him if he goes on for too long, though.” Poe glances at him and laughs. A chorus of hoots echoes down the hall while Ben takes off his coat and hangs it on the wall beside Poe’s and several others. “We can talk more about our plans for tomorrow. But for now, you need to meet the team!”

Ben swallows visibly. Meeting people is not his forte. He’s too introverted and somehow too direct at the same time. The impulse to hasten the interaction’s end means he often offends, confuses, and chases people away. For the most part, that doesn’t concern him.

_But this interaction needs to go better. For the sake of my career. And relationship with my parents..._

The room Poe leads him to is small, warm, and messy. It appears to be both a kitchen and relaxing space, with an old futon along one wall and multiple faded rugs covering the floor. An electric heater sits in the corner, buzzing noisily. Another wall has a cluttered sink and counter, bowls and cups piled high. Topographic maps, diagrams, and posters of safety procedures adorn the pale yellow walls. Ben glances down at the mountain of wet boots beside the door. Poe sees Ben’s disapproval.

“Whatever discipline and interest we had in cleanliness disappeared in grad school.” He makes a ‘what-are-you-gonna-do’ type of face that Ben concludes he does frequently. Poe walks over to the table taking up the middle of the room, joining the two people seated there.

“Team, this is Ben, the photographer sent to document what we’re doing here to save the world!” Poe’s triumphant and enthusiastic declaration is followed by a guffaw from the other man at the table.

“Don’t listen to him. Poe’s not saving _anything_.” 

Ben presses his lips together uneasily.

“That smartass is Finn. And that’s Rey,” Poe tosses over his shoulder, diving into the mini-fridge to retrieve a couple of beers.

“Hi. I’m Ben. Thanks for hosting me…” he says, hands in his pockets.

Finn leaps to his feet and bounds toward him. At once, Ben imagines he’s a golden retriever, all eager eyes and wagging tail. The man claps a hand on Ben’s shoulder, making him jolt.

“We’re glad you’re here, Ben. It’s kriffing cold but we’re going to show you the most breathtaking landscapes you’ve ever seen. It will all be worth the constant shivering, I promise.”

“I appreciate that, Finn.” Not for the last time, Ben looks to the ground and shuffles his feet. He’s oddly conscious of the last person who was introduced but she hasn’t moved from the table. Finn moves back to his seat and takes a long swig of his beer. 

Poe kicks out a chair across from him and gestures for Ben to take it, offering a beer without at the same time. Ben lowers himself slowly, the anxiety of so many new people at once making his muscles tense. He takes a drink to cover his nervousness. Finn and Poe don’t notice.

But the woman does.

She’s staring at him from over her bottle. When he finally feels brave enough to meet her gaze he feels his cheeks warm. Clearing his throat self-consciously, Ben attempts a casual tone.

“Rey, right?”

“That’s me.” The woman with brown hair and hazel eyes and freckled, glowing skin folds her fingers together on the table

_She’s not your subject; don’t fixate._

Rey speaks, unaware of his silent chastisement. “Did you choose this assignment or were you just unlucky enough to get sent to the least habitable place on Earth?”

He snorts so loudly everyone laughs. The glimmer of amusement crossing Rey’s face makes him feel embarrassingly impressed with himself. “I needed to get far away from my family. This seemed like the most ideal place to go.” 

It’s a bad joke and he knows it. But his words have always had a tendency to gurgle forth, unrestrained and unwieldy. He notices how Finn and Poe each take a gulp of beer and don’t respond.

_Where the hell did this come from? My absurd habit of saying things no one wants to hear?_

To prove his point, Rey’s smile shadows. “We’ve our own family, here,” she says quietly, voice clipped.

Cursing himself for ruining her smile while simultaneously committing himself to bring it back no matter the cost, Ben tangles his fingers at the nape of his neck. _What a great start, Solo._

“I appreciate you all letting me stay here.” He clears his throat. “Can you tell me about exactly what all of you do?”

Poe groans. “Right into interview mode, huh? I thought we’d hang out first, relax a bit... But if you insist, here’s my spiel. I’m a Ph.D. in climatology and my expertise is ice-core drilling. I love looking at all those little trapped bubbles of carbon dioxide in the cores we pull out.” His eyes grow misty.

“Poe _really_ loves his bubbles.” Finn laughs. “He’s the lead on this project, of course. Rey and I are grad students, not quite on this guy’s level yet. But we’ll get there. I manage our undergrad volunteers. And I’m about halfway through my Ph.D. studies, specializing in paleoclimatology.” 

Ben raises his eyebrows, both impressed and unsure of what that means. 

“We use proxies, like trapped carbon dioxide, tree rings, and coral, to interpret past climates. It’s especially helpful to compare today’s rapidly shifting global patterns to other epochs of history. Gives us a better understanding of where we’re headed. And it’s not good.” Finn sighs.

Ben nods. “I think it’s naive of me to hope whatever photographs I can bring back to show people will impact their behaviors at all. And yet, here I am.”

“We _have_ to at least try,” Rey says in a fiery voice. Ben blinks several times.

“He’s here, isn’t he?” Finn nudges her shoulder. Rey meets his eyes and leans toward him, softening at the intimacy.

_Well, I guess that answers a question I most definitely wasn’t planning to ask…_

To distract himself from the unwelcome sense of disappointment, he gets back on subject. “So I’m gathering that each of you has a specific area of study and knowledge that you contribute.”

“That’s correct. There aren’t enough funds or resources for redundancies. We work together to achieve an overall goal while at the same time gathering whatever data lights our individual fires,” Poe says.

“What lights your fire, Rey?” Ben asks before he loses his nerve.

Her eyes remain steely. “I’m the engineer in charge of making machines work in constant sub-freezing temperatures.”

Finn glances at her encouragingly but she stays silent. “She also is working on a Ph.D. in physical geography. It was quite a jump from engineering to geography after college.” Finn gives Rey a private look while he speaks.

“Well, I wasn’t going to let you go on this grand adventure without me.” She looks heavy with the same sadness he witnessed when he made the joke about escaping his parents.

Ben’s eyes swivel between them, feeling their history and their closeness. His heart becomes a stampede of hooves, dust swirls in his head. _Don’t say anything stupid. You just met her._

The room fills with a rush of loud words he failed to choke back.

“How do you two know each other?”

Finn and Rey jump simultaneously and stare at Ben.

“We are foster siblings,” Finn says simply and goes to the fridge.

_Oh._

Rey keeps looking at him and he imagines himself dissolving into Poe’s little bubbles, floating up through the roof and away from her penetrating gaze.

He can’t stand it anymore. Wracking his brain for something to say, he tries to remember anything about his geography classes in high school. “So, like, plate tectonics?”

“Glaciers.” Rey finally looks away.

“Cool,” Ben replies dejectedly.

“Yes, some would describe them that way.” Finn snickers.

 _This is going to be a rough week._  


  


* * *

  


  
Later, Ben sorts through his bag in the communal dorm in gloomy silence. He’s amazed that up to four people have to sleep in the same room but understands that like everything else, space is a limited resource in such a harsh place.

A spiraling loop of self-loathing and critical feedback threatens a headache. He finds himself replaying each ridiculous thing he said in front of Rey and trying to figure out why he is utterly enthralled with the surly woman of all people.

_Because she’s beautiful and smart and accomplished and exactly out of your league._

He slumps on the cot, elbows to knees and face in his hands.

When the door opens, Ben jumps.

“Sorry, I should have knocked.” Finn closes the door behind him. “You good in here? Need anything?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Thanks again. I know it’s not ideal for me to be here. I mean, it’s painfully obvious how _unpleasant_ it is to have a random person intrude...”

“You mean because of how Rey was acting? That’s just how she is around new people. If we go out tonight with Kaydel, she’ll loosen right up!”

“Oh right, Kaydel mentioned you all do that. Is that a good idea? How can there be sufficient alcohol supplies on this frozen sheet?”

“Well, it’s not cheap. There are a couple of distilleries around, which helps. But we never drink _too_ much.”

“I don’t know... When would we head out?”

“Whenever we can wrangle everybody up. Rey’s taking a shower. Poe’s checking some data, which you’ll find he does at all hours. That’s why I’m bugging you.” Finn pulls a chair over and sits down heavily. “What are you hoping to get out of this trip?” It’s conversational but Ben detects an additional layer underneath.

“Something, _anything_ , to impress my parents. They’ve been pretty disappointed with my chosen career. I think they’d hoped I’d grow out of it. Follow my mother into politics, maybe. Follow my dad into racing.”

“You’re parents are a politician and a race-car driver? How did that work?” Finn’s incredulity is polite, earnest.

“It didn’t, for the most part. Lots of fights. A couple of times they almost separated. Maybe they should have,” Ben mumbles toward the floor.

Finn shakes his head. “That sounds rough.”

It hits Ben how he must sound to someone who grew up in the foster system.

In a hurry, he continues. “But of course I am grateful to have them at all. I mean, they are difficult people, but I know deep down they love me.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not offended. I know everything is relative. Honestly, Rey and I were lucky to have been taken in by Maz, and the fact that it was _both of us_ was incredible. She gave us some stability that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. Instilled in us the importance of education, of striving for something more while still practicing gratitude.”

Ben relaxes. “She sounds like a tremendous woman.”

Finn nods several times and switches topics. “Well, if you’re anything like Poe, you’ll be head-over-heels in love with Rey already. Not that _she_ knows it. Just don’t get preoccupied. Because she’s a tough nut to crack.”

Ben blanches. “I’m not trying to crack any nuts.”

Finn’s bark of laughter splices the air and after a beat, Ben chuckles. 

“All I’m saying is focus on your goal, your assignment. It’s easy to lose yourself in this weird place. I get bogged down with all varieties of melancholy. That’s why it’s important we have each other. I want you to know I’m your buddy the entire time you’re here.”

“Thanks, Finn. And truly, I’m not going to try going after your foster sister.” Ben’s hands are up, hoping Finn understands he means the promise.

“Don’t swear her off, either! She’s lonelier than she’ll ever let on. And I saw how she was looking at you.” Finn gives him a sideways glance and Ben’s lungs become shaky.

He clears his throat. “I’m just here to take some photos that will get into a magazine and make my parents finally respect what I’ve chosen to do as an adult. That’s my guiding purpose while on this ice cube continent.

“Good. Now let’s go drink.”  


  


* * *

  


  
The four of them slough off their heavy coats once they enter Gallagher’s. Kaydel calls to them from the bar. Poe hugs her and Rey follows suit. 

Finn and Kaydel high-five. “How’s that bus-driving life?”

“Undemanding, my friend. Exquisitely undemanding.” Kaydel tosses a wave to Ben. “Glad you could make it. Are these three treating you well?”

“Yes, they’ve been very generous with their space and knowledge. I’m excited for the walk we’re going on tomorrow so I can scout locations.”

Rey glances over at him, her eyes flickering slightly. He wonders what she’s thinking before he turns back to the conversation.

“I might sit tomorrow out, actually,” Poe says evasively.

Rey starts. “Why?”

“You know those cores we got from Talos Dome? Well, I went back through the sample and realized I’d overlooked some of the variance in the layers. There’s a shadow I thought was an imperfection but now… It could be a contaminant that requires attention. I need to figure it out before we plan the next expedition. Can we get some more beers, Jannah?” 

“Sure thing, Poe,” the bartender replies with a smile.

“We’ll be just fine, won’t we, Rey?” Finn wraps his arm around her genially.

“I suppose we’ll make due.” She grabs the beer placed in front of her and swigs.

Ben feels his heart drop at her reluctance. _How can she dislike me this much after only a couple of hours?_ “I hope it’s no trouble. I can go alone, too.”

“Oh no, you can’t. No one does anything alone here. That’s one of my main safety requirements,” Poe states over his bottle.

“It’s an important precaution. Rey will feel better tomorrow, right?” Finn keeps his full smile directed at Rey.

“Finn, stop patronizing me,” she hisses and stalks to the bathroom.

“Whoops. I made it worse. Story of my life.” Finn sighs.

“Pretty boy here probably made her remember she’s a human female, and we know she doesn’t want _that_ reminder.” Poe says it jokingly but Ben can’t help but notice the twinge in the man’s eyebrows.

“You are very pretty,” Kaydel says, turning to Ben and placing a hand on his arm.

Ben exhales sharply at the sudden attention. “Um…”

“Damn! You clearly started early, Kaydel. Let us catch up!” He chugs his beer and orders a round of shots.

“None for me. The beer is fine,” Ben states at once, feeling his skin tingle uncomfortably.

All three of them make disapproving sounds but the liquor’s arrival distracts them. Needing to do something other than drown in his thoughts, Ben decides to check on Rey.

_What if I’m making things worse…?_

He knocks on the door to the women’s room. “Rey? You alright?”

The door opens at once and he rears back. She’s staring at him again and he desperately wishes he had his camera to capture the line of her chin, the curve of her ear, the way her chestnut hair frames her face.

“I’m fine.” Rey pushes past him and he feels a flare in his chest. “I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t mean to be rude. I’m not good with new people.” She says it over her shoulder on the way back to the bar. Ben jogs at her heels, trying to make sure he hears every word.

“We have that in common. I’m sorry if I came across too strongly. And for what I said about my parents. It was insensitive.”

“It’s alright.” Rey glances at him and a hint of warmth colors her eyes. “You want a shot?”

“Uh, okay. Just one...”  


  


* * *

  


  
An hour passes in the blink of an eye and Ben has _definitely_ had more than one shot. The lights in the bar blend in a comfortably hazy way. Poe and Kaydel are drunkenly debating the nuances of existentialism and Finn is flirting with the bartender. 

“They do that every time we come in. But Finn never has the guts to ask Jannah out. I keep telling him to just do it but he gets all flustered and shuts it down.” Rey slurs ever so slightly and Ben finds himself thinking a lot about her tongue as it forms each consonant and vowel.

“You’re a good wingman. Wingwoman. Wingperson? Um… foster-sister-romantic-support-system?” Ben winces.

To his astonishment, she laughs. “Thanks. I do my best. Not much else to do around these parts, truthfully.”

“Beyond all that glacier-watching,” Ben teases and immediately regrets it.

She’s unperturbed and he feels a flood of relief.

“Exactly.”

After a pause, Ben says, “Finn’s a good guy.”

Rey glances at him. “He said the same thing about you.”

His heart does a bewildering, fluttery thing. “He did? When?”

“Before we left the dorms. He vouched for you, said I should lighten up. I’m just… Not good at trusting people.” Her eyebrows stitch together and her chin tightens, hinting at a level of grit and resilience Ben finds admirable.

“I don’t blame you. It’s hard, fraught with peril, entirely uncomfortable.”

“But maybe it’s worth it sometimes?” Rey drinks more beer.

Words leave Ben’s mind in a flurry. He lets the noise of their surroundings fill the void until he thinks of something to say. “How long are you stationed here?”

“For another six weeks. It always depends on funding. And it’s a wonder we have any at all, really. But Finn and I create an interesting research unit that some funders find appealing. Our mix of skills and research interests attract various organizations.”

“That makes sense. I’m glad you have each other.” It’s another line that’s obtuse, too heartfelt, and he feels like he’s won something when she smiles. 

“I’m grateful, too. I’ve always felt a bit… Abandoned. But Finn has never let me down. He’s always been there.” Her eyes linger on the beer bottle label.

Ben stops breathing. The alcohol burns a hole in his attention and he fiercely wishes for sobriety. Perhaps then he’d have an adequate response for this precise interaction.

_But I doubt it._

Silence blossoms for a moment before Ben feels himself compulsively move to fill it, looking at the sticky bar floor.

“Really, I’m sorry. About before. I’m a total imbecile with new people. Especially _pretty_ new people-”

“You think I’m pretty?”

His head shoots up. The look on her face is confusing. Neither angry, offended, or flattered. It’s a neutral expression, one of a scientist accumulating more data.

The alcohol helps him respond directly. “Yes.”

“Hmm.” She looks away for some time. When she speaks it’s with an unexpected request. “Tell me about why you enjoy photography.”

Ben tries to collect his thoughts. _How did I end up drinking so much? I’m not prepared for talking to someone like her..._

“I had a rough childhood. Lots of nightmares. Behavioral issues. I spent time in counseling…” _Stars, that’s definitely an overshare._ “My therapist suggested my parents buy me a camera when I turned ten. Which helped a lot. I tried other things in college; pure journalism, psychology, even polisci to appease my mother. Nothing I ever tried could make my father happy.” Ben sighs. “But I always came back to a camera in my hands, the cozy darkness of the darkroom, and prints I can hold in my hands.”

“That sounds really beautiful, Ben.”

Rey’s voice lilts across the space and he realizes he should be looking at her instead of at the stained bar. 

“As long as there’s something to cling to, you know? Then we can get through almost anything.” He cocks his head, letting his eyes run over her listening face unabashed. 

_Is that a blush or am I just drunk?_

Rey’s eyes flit away and she motions for another shot. Instantly, the group proclaims their disagreement.

“No way. I’m done. Any more damage and tomorrow will be so unproductive my funding will be rescinded,” Poe stammers.

“Agreed. We should head back to the dorms.” Finn jerks his head sluggishly toward the exist.

“Make sure you tip,” Rey reminds him quietly, gesturing at Jannah. Finn’s cheeks turn rosy. 

“Ehh, yes, of course.”

Poe and Kaydel put their coats on and Rey follows. A spike of anxiety shoots through him. _Give her another out, just in case_.

“Rey,” Ben says softly. She turns, tilting her head. “You don’t have to come tomorrow. I mean, if I… make you uncomfortable.”

“You do make me uncomfortable, Ben. But not in the way you’re assuming.” She looks shy despite the hour they spent drinking and talking. It turns his heart to something liquid and hot that courses through every extremity at an exhilarating pace. 

The next thing he knows is the astonishing pressure of her hand grabbing his and squeezing.

_So much for focusing on my pre-established objective._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a background in physical geography and photography. I even considered pursuing climate studies in grad school and moving to Antarctica to do ice core drilling. But I decided against it because I actually detest being cold... ^laughs like the fool I am^
> 
> Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](https://myheartandsolo.tumblr.com/) where my AD/SW obsession lives aggressively.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much fluff! Plus, I slipped and added a chapter...

“The _what_ tongue?” Ben’s spoon of bland oatmeal pauses halfway to his mouth.

“The Erebus Ice Tongue. It’s pretty close to McMurdo Station, which is where we are,” Poe replies slowly. “Didn’t you spend any time figuring out what to photograph before making the trip?” 

“Beyond general Googling? Not really. I figured you all would have the best recommendations.” 

“Hmm. Not doing any pre-trip research is an interesting technique…” Finn quips as he downs the rest of his coffee.

Ben feels a hint of shame creep up his neck. He’d been in such a rush to get away, so distracted by the difficulty of simply scheduling the damn trip, he’d completely forgotten to do his usual level of prep-work. Swallowing, he tries to remove the metallic taste of _self-sabatoge_ from his mouth.

“Well, whatever the case, you’re in for a treat. It’s a relatively short walk. Any other location will require motorized transportation.” Poe stands and places his dishes unceremoniously in the sink. The fork clatters until it finds a crevice in which to wedge itself.

Ben is about to take another bite when Rey appears in the doorway. Her hair is pulled back, cheeks fresh and round with a smile. She wears a long-sleeve shirt and leggings and floofy, penguin socks.

He can’t help staring while she crosses the space to make her own bowl of instant oatmeal. The whole night he was uncomfortably aware of _everyone_ sleeping in the same room. It felt inappropriate and risky to be so close to her while slumbering.

 _Not that I actually slept._ Eventually, he did succumb to the pull of sleep, after repeated waves of overanalyzing hit him. My mind played the way she looked at him sideways to the curling of her fingers around his hand over and over. Even now, the memory of holding her hand makes his breath shallow.

“Good morning,” Rey announces and looks at Ben. “Ready for today?”

“Yeah.” It’s a mumble and he hears his mother’s voice requests he speak up _because no one will ever be persuaded by your words if they can’t even hear them._

But that was always Leia’s individual obsession; being heard and understood.

Ben has different obsessions and the newest one is observing Rey chomp through her particle-board-like breakfast with charming gusto.

“Hangover check. Anyone feeling last night’s damage other than me?” Poe rubs his head tenderly.

“Not I, cap’n,” Finn reports and bites into a piece of toast.

“I’m fine. How are you, Ben?”

The way she says his name sends ripples of goosebumps along his arms and he coughs. 

“I do feel it. I don’t really drink so any amount of alcohol leaves its mark.”

Poe nods with compassion. “It doesn’t help that we’re in our thirties and these two are in their twenties.” 

Ben jolts, only then realizing the age gap. _It doesn’t matter. Dad’s ten years older than mom. Not that they exemplify anything about a healthy relationship…_

When he looks up he notices Rey glancing at him over her cup of coffee. Ben slurps from his own to have something to do. But it’s a mistake. Somehow, the coffee tastes worse than the oat sludge. He successfully holds back his look of revulsion.

“Alright, I’m off to my lab. Have fun. Be safe.” The group bids farewell to Poe and then falls silent.

It builds incrementally, milliseconds compiling to seconds increasing to a full minute. Rey and Finn don’t seem to mind, each one enjoying their breakfast to the best of their abilities. But then it becomes too much and Ben worries he’ll burst.

“What happens when you are alone and you get too cold?” he blurts out, once more shocking his companions.

“Are you telling a joke right now just to fill the silence?” Finn tries to keep a straight face.

Rey cracks a smile. “I don’t know, Ben. What?”

Despite his mortification at the delivery and content of his contribution, Ben decides it’s better to plow forward than backtrack. “You’re totally ice-olated…”

To his utter and supreme delight, Rey cackles. “I’ve never heard that one. And it’s so true.” She laughs harder and Ben finally lets his lips curve upward.

Finn is generous enough to offer a small laugh. His eyes are darting between Rey and Ben at a breakneck pace. “On that note, I’ll be heading to the lab, too.”

Ben swivels to him. “You’re not coming today?”

“I think you two will have a lot more fun without me.” Ben sees him wink at Rey and has an intense desire to throw himself from the room.

“I agree,” Rey replies and smirks at her brother. 

It’s not at all what Ben expected. _Maybe I’m starting to like surprises._  


  


* * *

  


The ground crunches under Ben’s boot to such a degree it sounds cartoonish. His black beanie cuts the wind sufficiently but the coat he purchased in a hurry before leaving the States already feels inadequate. 

_Better remember to ask Finn about better outerwear before I come back…_ The notion that his return has already been established is probably premature. It’s dangerous to make assumptions like that. Still, the possibility warms him.

“So… do you have a lot of ice-related jokes memorized?” Her eyes catch the light. Ben’s arm immediately reaches for his camera but he overpowers the instinct.

“No. I actually looked them up last night when I couldn’t sleep.” Ben avoids her eyes, focusing instead on the ridge they’re walking toward.

She makes a kind of giggle noise that is so unexpected he glances over. Her freckles look like a dusting of sand. He tries to imagine her in a different setting and concludes she’d look beautiful in a desert, a jungle, or the moon. 

“That’s cute. I’m sorry you couldn’t sleep.”

“It’s normal. I’ve always had issues in that arena.”

“I’ve struggled, too. Sleeping in the orphanage was difficult. And by the time we were at Maz’s house, we were used to the noise that comes along with a full house. Now it’s weird to sleep in silence.”

Ben flexes his fingers in the thick dark gloves, thinking again about her hand in his. _Is this what yearning is? Because if so, I’ve been transported to a different century and I’d laugh if it weren’t so embarrassing._

They don’t talk for several moments until a burning question springs from Ben’s lips.

“Do you know how Kaydel--”

“Ended up a bus driver at the south pole?” Rey raises her brow.

“That’s my exact question, yes.”

Rey glances to the glittering ground and slows her pace. “She told me that as a freshman in college she felt adrift until her intro to philosophy class. Right away she chose that as her major. But then her mother, who Kay was really close to, died. And it all fell apart. One of the rare days she was able to rally and attend class, her professor made some joke about quitting and moving to Antarctica to drive a bus and philosophizing at scientists all day. Right after that she unenrolled and moved here. She’s one of the only hundred-and-fifty year-round residents.” Rey’s voice mimics the crackling of the miniature frozen structures they walk upon.

“Wow. That’s quite a thing to do. It seems lonely being here all the time. And how horrible about her mom. I can’t imagine being that close to either of my parents. And then to lose one...” he rambles until Rey takes his arm, causing him to stare at her, stone-still and breathless.

“You really don’t have a good relationship with your parents, huh?.” Her gloved thumb rubs idle circles on the fabric of his coat and he wishes there were no layers between them.

“I tried.” When a familiar sting of tears catches his attention he works his jaw. “I never figured out how to not make them disappointed in me. It’s difficult to be close to people who look at you with that kind of… neutrality. Like I’ve already been written off and am no longer worth the investment.” He blinks repeatedly and the sun highlights the tears and the snow.

“Oh, Ben. I can’t imagine how anyone could possibly be disappointed in you. You’re thoughtful and kind. Intelligent. A little gruff upon meeting but I don’t hold that against you, since that’s my default state with strangers, as well.”

His chest tightens until breath becomes a deliberate action. Opening his mouth he inhales and brings his hand up to meet hers. Their fingers twine together.

“Is this… Too fast?” The utterance is barely audible but Rey hears it nonetheless. Her eyes soften and she thinks before speaking.

“It should be but it doesn’t feel like it. Which I can’t explain.” She tugs his arm and they carry on walking.

“Me either. It feels like I know you. But I don’t, not yet. And I want to...” Ben watches the puff of his warm breath dissolve into the frigid air.

“Me too. So let’s start off with the basics. What is your middle name?”

Ben groans good-naturedly. “Bad question. Let’s move on.”

Bounding in front of him and turning Rey blocks him. “No way, mister. Tell me now!” She’s short and radiant and impatient and he can’t remember the last time anyone was eager to get to know him.

“Technically, I don’t have one.”

Rey shakes her head, smile undiminished. “Then what’s your _theoretical_ middle name?”

He bares his teeth uncomfortably and makes an angry noise. “Fine. But it’s convoluted and ridiculous...” Her gaze remains steady and he realizes he’d acquiesce to any request, no matter how humiliating. “It’s Chewie. Because I chewed on everything as a baby, even the legs of chairs, which reminded them of their first pet together, Chewbarker. So, if you’re keeping track, the dog got a more original name than their own son.” Ben tries to keep his voice light, sidestepping Rey to continue marching toward the glacial feature. His camera bag bobs snug on his back with each step.

Rey laughs and tries to catch up. “Benjamin Chewie Solo?”

“Not even Benjamin.” He snorts, trying to cling to her mirth instead of his own looming sadness.

“I think Ben is sweet, simple. And anyway, I don’t have a middle name, either.”

Posessed by something he can’t explain, Ben says too loudly in her direction, “How about Luma?”

She pauses, curiosity bringing out the green in her eyes. “Why Luma?”

Ben tries to scratch the nape of his neck but finds a host of clothes in the way. “I don’t know. Sorry. I spoke without thinking. Which is a habit of mine.”

Rey takes his hand. “Ben. Tell me.”

He swallows. “From lumiere, which means sunlight in French.” The wildfire of a blush reaches his ears.

Rey gasps. “You speak French? On top of everything else?”

He shakes his head, meaning to not oversell himself. “I studied abroad for only a semester. It was an early attempt to get away from my parents.” Ben fiddles with her puffed up rounded fingers.

Her eyes crinkle. “I like it. It does seem a bit redundant with what my name rhymes with, of course.” She starts walking, a smear of rose adorning her cheeks. Ben lets his arm swing in rhythm with hers. It conjures images of youthful, carefree days, adventuring with a crush when there were no other demands on their time. Or at least, that’s what he guesses, having not had many of those experiences.

_Please don’t mess this up. I will never forgive myself if I mess this up._

Clearing his throat, he notices they are quite close to their destination. “Since I failed to do my professional due diligence regarding researching this ice cube, can you tell me what the hell an ice tongue is?”

“What a naughty boy,” she teases and he almost chokes on his spit. “You’d never get funding being so unprepared!” Rey says and leans into him. His arm wraps around her shoulders naturally. “From above, it looks how it sounds. It’s a long bit of ice that extends from the land into a waterbody. If I’m being honest, it’s not a great subject to photograph from land.”

“Hmm. Guess I’ll have to take photos of something else…” He whips the camera up, frames her in front of the ridge, and snaps repeatedly. It’s awkward to hold the already small camera in his hands. The gloves make it even more difficult to manipulate but he manages.

Her eyes widen then she blinks. “Don’t waste the memory space,” she says earnestly.

“Are you kidding? You’re more enchanting than this whole place. And anyway, I have like five different memory cards. And without hesitation, I could fill them all with you.” The camera in his hands stops moving when he realizes how many words escaped him. 

He curses himself silently. The camera’s tendency to make him entirely at ease now seems like a problem. Biting down on his bottom lip, he peeks around the camera.

She’s got that look from before, the scientist who doesn’t quite understand but sincerely wants to. 

“Why do you like me?”

The camera, luckily attached to its strap, falls. He’s winded by the question, baffled by her confusion.

“You really don’t know?”

Shaking her head, Rey shifts from foot to foot, splinters in her irises glistening with insecurity.

Ben closes the gap between them. 

“I feel a thundering in my chest just being near you. My heart can’t remember how to beat correctly. I’m inept and clueless and breathless, Rey. Your look can _wound_ me in the most profound and bewildering way. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” he finishes in a high-pitched tone. Embers of appreciation flare in her eyes. 

“You know what? I’d given up trying to find someone. Finn kept telling me I had plenty of time… But it seemed like I was destined to float alone, a single, solitary iceberg without any connections.” She winces and looks down. “That sounds so cheesy. But I mean it. I’d stopped thinking there was any chance at happiness. And then you showed up and disrupted my peaceful resignation.” Rey smiles at him now, small and tentative, a bit of sun slicing through clouds.

“I guess I’ve always been disruptive…”

“Ben! That’s all you took from my confession?” She laughs, light and crystalline in the still air. “You have a knack for self-deprecation.”

“I’m sorry. I did hear you. I mean, I got the message that this is all… good.” Ben gestures feebly until Rey grabs his hands.

“Yes. This is good. But I want to take it slowly...”

Ben nods automatically. “Slow is fine. No problem. Slow as a snail’s pace. Call me Ben Slow-Mo because that’s what I am…” He trails off as she laughs, tears collecting at the corners of her eyes.

“I like how absurd your humor is. Now, let’s focus on that Tongue!” She grabs his arm and attempts to pull him.

Ben stays glued to the spot trying to figure out what she means exactly by _tongue_. Then it hits him and he shakes his head and follows.

It takes just two large steps to become level with her and he delights in the subtle shade of fuschia that colors her cheeks. He’s not sure if it’s from the cold or something else but he becomes aware of how it matches her lips.

They come upon the frozen body of water and take in the vista. “This is McMurdo Sound and the Ross Sea just beyond. The Tongue extends here. That’s Mount Erebus,” Rey says, pointing to the right. “There’s another glacial tongue, MaCkay, just over there.” While she rattles it off the local geography Ben stays silent. He can tell she’s purposefully giving a brief summary, holding back so much enthusiasm, probably because she doesn’t want to overwhelm him. Rey’s eyes are alight, content in her element.

“Keep talking,” he requests quietly.

Rey turns shy for a brief moment. “Well, the timing of your trip couldn’t be better. For only a few weeks every year, there’s a special thing to observe…” She takes his gloved hand and leads him to the small, icy peninsula. “Through here is what I wanted you to see.”

With burgeoning curiosity, Ben tears his eyes from her, jawing dropping at the sight. An opening in the ice yawns before him, probably twelve feet high. Jagged icy sculptures hang solidly from the ceiling and snow-dense piles cover the floor. The light, filtering through water frozen centuries before, infuses the space with a soft blue. 

Taking several steps, Ben finds himself transfixed by the serenity of the cave. He hears Rey’s footsteps but nothing else. 

“This is amazing,” Ben breathes, tracing the textured formation and running a hand along the smooth walls. _The most peaceful I’ve ever felt_ he wants to adds.

“I’m glad you think so. Look at these!” She bounds forward and points to a bizarre stampede of frozen shapes in the wall, frozen liquid comets that were stopped in their tracks. “These are called cloudbursts. Heavy precipitation in a short amount of time, frozen during their descent. Isn’t it marvelous?”

Ben glances at her, eyes wide and tinted by the blue-glow. His camera is up in a flash and the resulting shutter sound invades the air. She jumps, pulled from her reverie and he proceeds to berate himself.

“Sorry. Old habit. Capture the moment…”

“I know something else I’d like to capture,” Rey says slyly. She zooms in front of him and grabs his jacket with both hands. Then, she bounces upwards but instead of making contact with his face loses momentum on the camera in the way.

Stunned, he stares at her. 

“You were trying to--”

“Kiss you, yes. Let’s get _this_ out of the way.” She gently brings his hands down from the camera, positions it in its case once more, and swings it to his back.

It’s impressive how quickly she removes the obstacle. At once, he’s sure the thrumming of his heart ricochets between the cave walls. He worries it’s beating so viciously it might cause an avalanche, or a cave in, or whatever geographically appropriate term applies. _My heart will cause our death._

As if waiting for him to signal a second try, Rey locks eyes with him. “Is this okay?”

He nods, mouth unable to form any words. Of their own delayed volition, his arms jerk up and around, bringing her closer. She nestles into his chest. It grounds him and Ben takes a deep breath.

“I haven’t done this with anyone in a while,” he confesses.

“Me either. But I can’t imagine a better place for a first kiss.”

 _First kiss_ implies maybe more kisses and the thought alone makes Ben’s legs wobbly. His eyes linger on her lips and at the moment he resolves himself she surges upward.

Rey’s lips are cold but they warm quickly, joined and still. Ben brings his hands to either side of her face and opens his lips partially, testing the contact before pulling back slightly. Rey follows him, willing it further and he makes a throaty noise at the hint of her tongue. 

A wild thing bursts from the cage of his chest and with it a confidence, a need. Her mouth is minty and clean. He nips at her bottom lip and feels her grin. She returns the motion and tugs him further down. They kiss until back protests from the dramatic angle. 

“I’m too kriffing tall,” he murmurs against her lips and rolls his shoulders back.

“Ben, you’re perfect. But I won’t deny I could use a stool.” A laugh gurgles forth and he joins in, the echoes amplified until he’s sure the space couldn’t possibly contain any more joy.

  


* * *

  


“Ben, you _have_ to take pictures of something other than me.” They walk at a leisurely pace back to what constitutes civilization in Antarctica. Ben has only been holding her hand for seconds at a time before taking more photos.

“You’re right,” he replies and takes several more anyway.

“I’m not used to this… attention. Can we try one together?” The question bursts forth and he wonders how long she’s been wanting to ask.

“Like a… selfie?”

“Don’t sound so disdainful.” She quirks her lips. “Sometimes I feel like you’re from an entirely different decade.”

Ben lets the camera fall from his face. Something unfamiliar seizes him. “Let’s do it. I can set a timer, frame it well in front of Erebus.” Already he’s setting up the camera bag as a base, his own hulking frame stretched out on the ground to adjust the view and exposure. Rey laughs louder than ever.

“You’re very passionate about photography. It makes me happy.” Rey sprints over, plops down beside him, and kisses his cheek.

He rolls over and sits up, tangling his hand in hers, excited about the sudden proximity. “It helps me feel less inhibited, more natural. I don’t stress about every little thing when I’m holding a camera. But I feel that way around you, too. So if I do random, impulsive things, it’s really your fault.”

Ben kisses her gently.

“If it means more kisses, you can blame me for anything you want.” She leans into it, sliding her fingers under his beanie. In response, he draws his thumb along her jaw, pulling back to look at her.

The freckles on her skin remind him of a special rock he once photographed in the steps of the Pyrenees mountains. _I want to take you there. I want to take you everywhere,_ he thinks and nuzzles her nose. “Alright, let’s make that picture happen.”

He helps her up and hits the button. “Go, go, go! We’ve got ten seconds!” She giggles as they dash to the middle distance and pose side-by-side.

The camera clicks and Ben’s not sure how successful it was but can’t make himself care.

By the time they return to the research building, it’s after lunch. While removing their various garments, Ben brings his hands down Rey’s back and she promptly buries her face in his sweatered chest. Laying his head on hers, he soaks in the unfamiliar intimacy.

“I’m ravenous,” she says after a beat.

Ben grunts in agreement.

“And I’m really glad you came, Ben.”

“Me too.” He grips her harder.

“Well, that didn’t take long,” Finn hollers down the hall, causing Rey and Ben to jump apart. Ben notes how her cheeks flush at the same time heat rises in his own face.

“You did insist we go alone,” Rey replies jovially, weaving her fingers with Ben’s and leading him down the hall. 

“And we went to the _ice tongue._ You know what goes on there…” To Ben’s astonishment, Rey wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. 

Finn inhales sharply, though whimsy glints in his eyes. “Rey! I don’t want that visual haunting me every time I go to Erebus!” Finn makes a mock disgusted face and gives Rey a shoulder nudge. 

They enter the common room to find Poe sitting at the table, a game of cards splayed before him. “Did I hear reference to carnal behavior occurring in our sacred ice cave?” he asks, tone failing to achieve any level of seriousness.

Abruptly, he worries that Poe might feel resentment or jealousy at the prospect of Rey and Ben getting together. But his apprehension dissolves just as quickly, noting Poe’s genuine smile. Ben relaxes.

“Nothing that provocative, _yet_ ,” Rey emphasizes and steals a bite of Poe’s unfinished sandwich. A thrill races through Ben, sharp and electric. 

_I wish I had more than just a few more days here._

When he takes a seat across from Poe, Finn leans close to Rey’s ear. “I’m so glad you took my advice,” Finn says in a low voice. She elbows him and presses her lips bashfully.

Ben overhears without meaning to, and wonders how he could be lucky enough to wind up in the least habitable place on Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided against any jealousy-based angst because I just want everyone to be happy!
> 
> Also, is this any good? I feel like I can't even tell anymore 🙃


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was weirdly hard to write, as seems to be the trend with my fanfiction stories and I genuinely worry this means the end of my ff writing... 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all like this conclusion.

Ben sits in the empty dorm, eyes wide as his memory cards upload to the harddrive. The screen fills with row upon row of thumbnails, and the subject of ninety-percent of them are egregiously human instead of landscape. His brain stutters, unable to process just how many megapixels of _Rey_ he has documented over the last two days. It’s a problem.

_And to think I’ve never really enjoyed photographing people before…_

Everyone else had to focus on their respective science duties once everyone finished eating breakfast, though Rey lingered by his cheek and planted several kisses before she departed. Their previous day had been fun, but included far too much time with Finn and Poe for Ben’s preference. They had driven to the nearby Taylor and Ferrar glaciers for a photography excursion and though Ben tried to focus on his objective, he had found the discussions between the scientists to be surprisingly fascinating. 

_Another day down with little to show._ He grinds his teeth impatiently. 

With a shallow sigh, Ben creates a new folder on his desktop entitled luma, scrolls through his uploads, and selects any that contain Rey. It takes a while. He’s quite fond of looking at her various facial expression, marking the tiny differences in each. Nevertheless, his anxiety stirs from its recent hibernation.

_This is my fourth day here. I’m running out of time to do actual work. What happens if I don’t pull this off? I’ll end up proving to my parents how much of a complete failure I am._

He’d made a point early on to be an over-achiever and because of this, never procrastinated a day in his life. As a child, he’d idolized Han, wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps into cars and speed and mechanics. But it was made clear to him by _everyone_ that this was an unacceptable career plan. _”Han didn’t even finish college,_ ” his extended family had told him and denigrated his father. Soon, fear of ending up like his dad surpassed his genuine adoration. It wasn’t until adulthood that Ben realized how deeply he craved acceptance and love, and even more recently did he begin to process his false belief that both of these were conditional. 

Panic begins to mount, volcanic in its torridity and volume. Ben stands, rolls his shoulders, and tries to breathe. None of this does anything for his agitation. He starts pacing, face buried in his hands, and kicking at the flimsy bedframe. 

_Why did I think I could pull this off? Why did I think I could earn my parents’ respect and acceptance?_

It’s a crushing pain that invades him, reeking of sulfur and brackish as saltwater. He stumbles under the weight, catching the wall at the last moment. A sharpness builds at the backs of his eyes and no degree of shaking his head will dispel it.

Usually, the best remedy for an anxiety attack would be to pick up his camera and _go outside._ But this time, the camera represents his inadequacies. The camera signifies what his tormented mind calls a _destraction._

He gulps and imagines Rey’s face in a fierce, desperate way. The specific luster of her iris helps anchor him, just a bit, and the warm softness of her lips causes his heart to beat faster for an entirely different reason than overwhelm. Still, the tears of self-loathing cling to his lashes. Eventually, they fall and catching on the fibers of his navy sweater instead.

With vertigo-inducing speed, Ben sinks to the floor and pulls into himself. It’s always been a challenge for him to occupy less space but the desire to do so never waned, even well into adulthood. 

_I’ve never learned how to control any of it. I’ll always be this weak, disgusting person…_

The door opens and Rey’s voice shatters the quiet. “Ben! Are you alright?” She’s beside him in an instant and he feels himself recoil from her concerned, inquiring touch. His head snaps up to see the confusion in her eyes. She pulled her hand back, knotting them in her lap. Regret heaps on top of everything else.

“What’s going on? Please, you can tell me.”

Ben shoves his between his knees. In his mind, words morph into an adversary, something to avoid and defend against. He bites his tongue and tries to bring enough air through his nose to keep his lungs working at the bare minimum level.

He can tell Rey’s not sure what to do with his breakdown. _Welcome to the club._ She doesn’t say anything but arranges herself in a comfortable sitting position mere inches away. It takes a few seconds before Ben realizes she’s making sure he doesn’t feel alone. Despite his attempt to shut her out, she’s not running away. She’s choosing not to give up on him.

Fresh tears make heated trails down his cheeks. Breathing loses its rhythm for a time but he soon notices how Rey is controlling hers. It’s loud, stable, an anchor she’s offering. He works to match her inhale with closed eyes.

When finally he looks up at her, seconds or minutes or hours later, her expression is soft. A compassionate patience highlights her features, sprinkled in with her freckles, and flowing along her jawline. He’s mesmerized by her all over again. Without realizing it he’s stopped crying and is leaning toward her.

In a flurry of movement, she surges to catch him and absently he worries it will hurt her knees to sit like that for too long. Her fingers burrow into his hair while his face rests on her chest. She smells like coffee and the odor he supposes the sterile lab produces. He doesn’t mind. Every tiny fingertip she drags along his scalp soothes his thoughts. They become quieter, less frazzled, and Ben pulls away to gaze at her.

“No one has ever… been there like that. Through the whole thing. Not even Leia.”

Rey’s chin quivers slightly. “I’m much too familiar with those episodes. I used to have them, at the orphanage. Finn always helped. And I wanted to help you too.” She looks to the floor briefly, perhaps unable to think of those memories without feeling the full extent of them. “What happened?”

_I finally realized what a colossal fuck up I am._

Shaking his head, Ben pulls her onto his lap. She squeaks in surprise and then quickly melts into his circling arms. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

He swallows what feels like an avalanche of honest words and groans. “I haven’t taken enough photos. Haven’t done enough work. But the trip never was going to magically fix my relationship with my parents. So it’s not a huge loss.”

Rey’s eyebrows come together. “We will make sure you get to take more. I’m sorry we’re all stuck inside today due to work. I’ll ask if Kay can bus us over to--”

He squeezes her hands. “It’s not your fault. I’ve been looking at _you_. Which I don’t regret.” Ben focuses on her face and she opens her mouth to interrupt. “Rey, it was my choice to get all… wrapped up so quickly. I knew my time was limited. You’re just...” He sighs. “You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever known. Looking back, I think it’s been more important to get to know you better than to obsess over some last-ditch effort to cement my career and garner respect. I was being naive, but I guess that’s one of my most stubborn flaws.”

Suddenly, Rey kisses him and his eyes snap shut. His hands move under her sweatshirt and her back, gently raking and pressing and feeling. But she pulls back before he’s ready and rests on his forehead. “Ben. I don’t think you’re naive. I love your passion, optimism, and dedication. So maybe this trip turned into more of a personal excursion than a professional one. We can salvage it, take another drive.”

He nods and nips at her lips, finding it’s almost impossible to capture between his own. “Stop smiling…” which is a request he never thought he’d utter. An idea takes shape and to test it out Ben brings his hand to the flesh of her torso and draws a thumb heavily over her bra. Rey gasps at the pressure, smile abandoned, and greets his tongue with her own. Impulsively, he grasps her in his arms and makes a mostly successful lurch to stand. Rey laughs.

“There’s more I want to say.” Her breathy voice triggers a ripple of goosebumps down his neck.

“And I’ll want to listen.” He walks her to his small bed and she pulls away.

“Ben, we can’t have sex on that tiny bed. Plus, Finn and Poe could walk in at any moment.” Rey kisses his chin, down his neck, and then behind his ear, forcing him to stop walking.

“Neither issue sounds insurmountable to me,” he murmurs.

She takes him by surprise with a full-body squirm and slips to the ground. Grabbing his hands, she locks eyes with him. “I want to do that. Truly. But not like this.”

“Okay. I understand.” He tries to quell the tiny seed of rejection that nestles in his belly.

“Can we plan to… explore things further when I’m back in the States? Six weeks isn’t so long.” Encircling him, she laces her hands on his hand and sways. “That is if you’ll even like me when we’re not surrounded by glaciers.”

The seed dissolves and he smiles. “I’ll like you anywhere.”

“I hope that’s true.” Her eyes droop briefly.

“I know it with an astounding amount of certainty. And I’ve never been certain of anything before in my life, Rey.” Ben kisses the crown of her head then rests his own there.

“You know, though our lives have been really different when I look at you, I see someone who could... understand. Someone I can understand.” The words falter and bump into each other as they leave her mouth.

Ben blinks and bends his knees to look at her. He’s stunned by her abrupt and expansive presence in his life. “How the hell did this happen?”

She grins. “I don’t know. But I’m glad it did.”

His hands wrap around her face and they kiss slowly. Then his stomach grumbles.

Rey’s eyes sparkle at him. “Have you eaten? It’s almost noon.”

“I forgot. Can I make you something, too?”

She grins. “There’s a box of instant macaroni and cheese waiting for us, chef.” Twining her fingers with his Rey leads him away.

Ben’s forgotten computer goes to sleep.

  


* * *

  


“What do you call someone who steals a glacier?” Finn looks pointedly at everyone, waiting patiently.

“We’ve heard this one before…” Rey protests over her bite of cheesy noodles.

“I haven’t. Let me think.” Ben narrows his eyes to consider.

“It’s an iceberglar. Come on,” Poe interjects with a roll of his eyes.

Finn shoots him an aggravated look. “That was just mean-spirited.” 

“Well, I’m fucking sorry. I guess I’m the only one worried about our expedition tomorrow. You two haven’t prepared at all.”

“I can help,” Ben offers at once.

“No, you can’t. Sorry.” Poe seems to mean the apology but looks away quickly. “You’ve got your own work to do, right? Don’t you leave the day after tomorrow?”

Ben nods, not interested in thinking about it further.

Rey sets her second course of macaroni on the pile of dishes. “Why are you so tense, Poe? This is just another core drill. Nothing special about it.”

“It’s not _just another drill._ Our success this week will determine if I can secure funding for next season. Which also dictates whether or not the two of you can come back.” He slumps in the chair.

“You don’t think we can get our own backers? We’ve done it before.” Finn tilts his head toward Poe.

“You two don’t know anything,” Poe snaps. Everything goes quiet for a beat. “Look, I’m not trying to be a dick. But the current president of the United States is pretty hostile toward science in general, and climate science in particular, if you two haven’t noticed. It’s on me to figure out how to make this entire research project work.” Poe faceplants on the table. Despite the seriousness of Poe’s rant, Ben and Finn almost laugh at the sight.

Rey kneels beside Poe. “I didn’t realize you were feeling this much stress. I’m sorry. I can help out more with the money search.” 

Poe doesn’t surface.

“My mom’s a Senator. She might be able to help set aside some funds.”

“There’s little hope of _that_ in the current congress,” Poe grunts from his folded over position.

“Buddy, we’re all trying to help but I think you just want to mope. I’ll start preparing the equipment for tomorrow. Come on, Poe. Being productive with help.” Finn tugs at his friend’s arm and this time it’s Rey who laughs as Poe falls from his chair.

“Let’s get to it, then. Ben, will you be alright the rest of the day? I know I’d said we would drive to another location…”

Ben stands. “No, that’s alright. I’ll wander around town, maybe take some photographs of McMurdo.” The prospect doesn’t sound enticing in the slightest. He’d much rather spend time with Rey. _They’re doing important work. You need to make it easier, not harder._

“Maybe meet up with Kay? She’s good company,” Finn says while dragging Poe through the door.

“That’s a great idea. I know she gets lonely, too.” Rey kisses him and at once he feels like a piece of rope pulled tight.

“Mmm, you taste good.”

Rey laughs. “Maybe you didn’t eat enough food if the macaroni aftertaste does it for you.” She gives him a final smile and follows her teammates.

Ben sits down and stares at the dirty sink for a long time. Without warning, he thinks of his childhood butler, who he’d referred to as Threepio, since Paul Preston Peters was too much for anyone to say. The nickname had a tendency to irritate the very traditional man, which egged Ben on even more.

Growing up with help had made Ben resentful. The other people, though generally nice, weren’t his parents. All he’d wanted was to spend more time with Han and Leia but he ended up seeing less and less of them with each passing year. 

All of that unfulfilled want had snowballed into the problem that plagued him through adulthood. It hit like a hurricane to recognize that almost everything he’d done was for someone else, to seek acceptance. _What would it be like to make decisions for myself, according to my own desires?_ It’s a disorienting prospect.

He thinks of Rey, her career, her dedication to her own passions. She didn’t have the luxury of parents, no lasting parental figure to perform for. _How has she built herself? How has she crafted a person she’s proud of?_

Numbly, Ben walks to the sink, pulls on a pair of gloves, and starts washing. It takes over half-an-hour to get through the mountain. The lack of movement makes his legs itch.

It’s early afternoon and cloudy when Ben prepares his camera and bundles up. The weather perfectly matches the dreary glimpse he’s already seen of McMurdo. He’s not optimistic about finding much to document. He makes sure the door is locked and sets off aimlessly.

At first, walking alone improves his mood. The ice crackles and reminds him of Rey and their time together in the ice cave. It makes him smile. He pulls the hood up over his beanie and lets his feet move without direction. 

She inhabits most of his thoughts, of course. _It’s strange how quickly we grew comfortable around each other. Thank the stars she reminded me to take it slowly. Less likely to mess it up that way._

A sharp wind whips into Ben from McMurdo Sound, pulling him from his thoughts. It’s an interesting enough perspective, so he brings his camera out and takes several shots of the cliffs bracketing the bay. A, unexpected buzzy trumpeting sound draws his attention. There, waddling toward him is a penguin.

Ben’s mouth drops open. He always had a soft spot for penguins, the way they move, take care of their young. This one approaches confidently, its soft white belly bright despite the clouds. It makes another round of noises that reminds Ben of a kazoo.

“Hi there,” he says softly. In response, the penguin flicks its beak backward and shakes its head rapidly.

“Pretty cute, huh?”

Ben jumps at the voice and the penguin sleds away.

“Kaydel! You scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry. I saw you standing here alone and got worried. Also, full disclosure, Finn told me I should find you.”

“Why worried?”

“It’s not safe to be out here alone, didn’t Poe already yell that at you? Even if you’re close to the station.” She tosses her head at the town.

Ben raises his eyebrows. “Oh, he definitely did. What’s up with that guy? Is he always that temperamental?”

“He’s usually pretty jovial.” Ben and Kaydel start walking. “But, in case you didn’t know, he liked Rey for a while. So maybe he’s having trouble seeing her with you. Plus, his job is really stressful. He takes on too much if you ask me. Hey,” she stops. “I was told I kinda hit on you the other night. I’m sorry. When I drink all boundaries go out the window.”

“I get that. It’s okay. I mean, it was awkward. I don’t get that kind of attention ever.” He mumbles the last sentence into his coat, hoping it gets lost before reaching her ears.

“That’s ridiculous. You looking the way you do most definitely attracts people of all persuasions. You just might not notice.” She laughs and Ben’s hands go into his pockets.

“Whatever you say.”

Kaydel elbows him, knocking him off balance. “It is what I say.” She gives him a smug look that fades quickly. “I have a serious question, something I ask all the new people. As a philosopher,” Kaydel says in a faux British accent and flourish of her hand, “I’m obsessed by the juxtaposition of the ephemeral quality of experiences and the human compulsion to hold onto the past. So, here’s my question. Is there one moment you wish you could go back to, one moment you wish you could change?”

They near the cluster of buildings and Ben looks at Kaydel. “No, not just one moment. I wish I could change everything. You?”

She ponders his reply and nods in return. Ben decides not to press and they walk on in comfortable silence. 

“Do you like ghost stories? There are some fun ones around here. I can give you the tour!” Kaydel bounces with excitement.

“Yeah, that sounds perfect. Can I take pictures while you do?”

“Of course! Just on my right, though. That’s my good side. ”

  


* * *

  


“Inspiration struck,” Ben announces as he walks into the kitchen.

“That’s good news. Thanks for doing the dishes.” Finn pats him on the back.

“Of course. Okay, I need to take all of your portraits. Or, just Finn’s and Poe’s. I got plenty of Rey and Kaydel already.”

Poe looks at him. “What for?”

“The focus of my story is shifting. I’ll run it by you all before I submit. Is that alright?”

“S’fine with me,” Finn replies through a mouthful of granola bar. Poe nods.

“Also, this place is creepy,” Ben can’t help but add.

“Oooh, Kay give you the ghost tour? It’s even better during the long night…” Finn makes a spooky noise.

Ben shudders. “Yeah. She’s very good at building tension. Where’s…” Ben stops himself, eyes flicking to Poe.

“Rey’s finishing up in the lab. You can go join her,” Poe says evenly without meeting Ben’s gaze.

“Okay. Uh, Poe--”

“I know what you’re about to say and you shouldn’t. She’s her own person, doesn’t belong to anyone. It’s high time I let it go, anyway.” Poe pops open a beer bottle and Finn looks at him.

“That’s very mature,” Finn says emphatically.

“Rey’s right. You _do_ have a tendency to be patronizing.” Poe cracks a smile and Finn rolls his eyes.

Ben exits and follows the corridors in search of the lab. When he finds it he knocks but hears no reply. Peeking his head around the door he calls for Rey. Only frigid silence greets him.

_Should have brought my coat._

Several stagnant moments pass and there’s a muffled sound at the other end of the room. Ben cautiously walks between the shelves of various cores. He glances at several, noticing how the shade of ice varies between samples. With a pang, he thinks how much more he’d like to learn about their work here before leaving.

“Rey! You in here?” He hears a quiet sob.

“Yes. I’m behind the trunks.” 

Ben follows her voice to a stack of orange and yellow plastic cases, presumably for carrying tools to drill sites. He takes another step and spots her huddled in the corner.

“Hey,” he breathes, scrambling through the tiny space to be close to her. She’s wearing a sweatshirt and pom hat. At once he sees her shivering. _In a single day we swing from her comforting me to me comforting her._ It feels weirdly appropriate.

“I’m pathetic. Feel free to ignore me.”

Ben eases his arms around her and brings her to his lap, just like that morning. “Nothing about you is pathetic. Do you want to talk?”

“No,” she sniffles. “Yes.” She chuckles despite her string of tears. “I can’t believe you have to leave already. Other than Finn, it feels like everyone is always leaving me.” Her blue-tinged lips quiver. 

“I wouldn’t be leaving you. Just the continent.” 

“I want to believe you.” Ben massages her back and she groans. “Okay, didn’t know your fingers were skilled in _that_ way.” A blush colors her face. “You know what I mean. That sounded so dirty…”

Ben’s chest constricts and his throat turns painfully dry. To distract them both he jabs her in the ribs, making her jump and laugh from the tickle. “Just another thing I learned abroad.” 

Rey sobers immediately. “You’ve learned so much. You’ve had so many more experiences. Are you sure you want to date a twenty-year-old?”

He tucks a wisp of hair behind her ear. “First of all, you’re the one who spends weeks at a time in Antarctica. Secondly, I don’t care about how old we are. Or how young, in your case. What triggered all of these insecurities? I thought I had made progress with convincing you how incredible you are.”

Ben nuzzles her hairline and she sighs.

“What if you go back and things change. What if our connection goes away. You could meet someone else and fall in love--”

“I already have.” He plants a row of kisses down her neck and she trembles, but not from the cold. 

“With who?” she asks breathlessly.

Ben laughs and grabs her hands, pinning them to his chest. He captures her mouth urgently and her legs splay around him. With a moan, she pushes her hips hard onto his lap and Ben feels his composure start to unravel. 

She pulls back, eyes darker than he’s ever seen them. The look sends a thrill down his spine. 

“Really?”

“Yes. I never want to leave you, Rey.”

She yelps and tries to kiss him so hard they bump heads. In unison, they rub their sore heads and start another round of kissing, which leave them both panting into their shared air. The space is noticeably warmer by now. 

“You mean that?” She has her fingers curling under his shirt and he imagines ripping off their already inadequate clothes. _Patience. It will happen._

He takes a deep steadying breath. “I would have said it the first day I met you if I knew it wouldn’t scare you.”

Rey’s eyes dance. “Then stay.”

Ben blinks. It actually hadn’t occurred to him. He had set these six days aside for the trip, then allotted four weeks to write the story and edit the photographs. The magazine that shared interest in the story requested a first draft by April.

_Hmm. Maybe I could stay. Take more photos. Figure out the story. Spend more time with Rey..._

“I’ll have to get a better coat.” He says it matter-of-factly and Rey gives him the look of a scientist who’s onto something, finally discovering meaning amid the isolated bits of information.

“That can be arranged. Finn’s got thousands.”

Ben chuckles. “Are you sure? I won’t… distract you from work?”

“It’s possible. But honestly, I think I’ll be able to focus more knowing you’re nearby and not thousands of miles away.” She nestles into the crook of his chest.

“Rey. I can’t quite comprehend what’s going on.”

“I know. We keep coming back to that. But listen.” She straightens to look at him. “I’m the scientist. I’m the one who’s been trained to figure things out. And I decided this, _us._ ” She smiles. “We shouldn’t try to figure it out. Let’s just accept it and treasure it.”

Ben leans forward to kiss her. “Treasure you. Now that’s something I can do without overthinking.”

They knock an empty trunk over when they stand, faces pressed close and limbs weaving together. The resulting _clunk_ shakes them apart and they laugh.

“I saw a penguin today,” Ben announces, overcome with glee.

Rey makes a giggling sound he hopes to hear for the rest of his life.

“Now that we have time, you’ll get to see the _babies_!”

Ben’s not sure if he could be any happier at the prospect.

  


* * *

  


“Is that everything?” Ben loads the last of the bags into their research van. 

Looking over his list, Poe nods. “I personally checked three times. I think we’re good.”

“I call shotgun,” Finn shouts from the research station’s door and approaches. “Ben, I’m leaving you with a _very_ special coat. It’s the best of the best. I expect you to treat it with the same level of respect that you show Rey. No, even more.” Finn regally presents a coat much fluffier than Ben’s ever seen.

“Uh, I will do my best. And um… I just want to thank you both for letting me stay. I know it’s an inconvenience. I’m planning to be in charge of the kitchen, to communicate my thanks.”

Finn’s eyes grow in size. “You mean… cooking _and_ cleaning?”

“Yeah. If that’s alright?” Ben looks to Poe.

“Hell yeah, that’s alright.” Poe smiles broadly. “Welcome to the team, Mr. Photography.” This time, the moniker doesn’t irk Ben at all.

Rey appears at the door and Ben takes long steps to meet her.

“I think it’s going to work out. My staying here,” he says quietly, inclining his head toward Finn and Poe.

“Of course it will! They like you!” She slips her gloved fingers into his hand and squeezes. “We’ll be back before dinner. Don’t forget to cancel your shuttle flight, since you won’t be needing it.” Rey accentuates each of the last four words with kisses on both of Ben’s cheeks.

He smiles. “There’s no chance I could forget that.”

“And you’ll also tell me all about your new plan for the article, yes?” They stop beside the van and everyone looks at him.

“I can give you a sense of it. I was thinking something along the lines of profiles… a _People of Antarctica_ kind of thing. You three. Kaydel the bus driver. Jannah the bartender. How everyone is here for specific reasons, both professional and personal. And how you’re not helping the environment and each other, too.” He can’t look at everyone at once, not that he would want to. No one says a word for a drawn-out moment and he feels a flood of embarrassment. “Geez, it sounds so cheesy, out loud. I’ll figure something else--”

Rey jumps up to kiss him. “I think it’s perfect, Ben.”

“Yeah, I like it, too,” Finn adds.

Poe nods. “I look forward to reading it. Now let’s hit the road, team.” He waves and gets into the driver’s seat. Finn gives Ben a salute.

“Have a good day, sweetheart,” Ben says with a soft kiss on her forehead.

She gives him a smile that warms him to his toes. “You too, Ben.”

Ben watches them drive away, grateful for the sunshine today. Then he hears a kazoo buzzing to his right. To his delight, a penguin toddles over with a jovial gait.

_Penguins. I have to somehow incorporate the penguins into my story._

When the animal drops to the ground and sleds away on its stomach, Ben laughs out loud.

He zips up Finn’s coat and glances up to the sky. It’s bitterly cold but he’s beginning to become accustomed to it.

After all, there’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE POWER OF YOUR COMMENTS, Y'ALL. I was 90% sure I wouldn't write an epilogue but I've been persuaded. It turned from a vague and uninspired outline of an epilogue to something I'm actually excited about because of you all! So thank you for the encouragement and positivity. It makes all the difference for me.
> 
> Thanks for going along this very specific journey to Antarctica with me!


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and hopefully sweet.

\- 10 Months Later - 

“I like this a lot more than the last dorm arrangement,” Ben mumbles into the space behind Rey’s ear.

“Mmm, me too.” She rolls over to face him, tucking her arms around his chest. Upon the team’s return to Antarctica, Ben and Rey were insistent in claiming one of the couple’s dorms, complete with private bathroom and kitchenette (which they haven’t actually used but whose keeping track). The announcement triggered both snickers and eye-rolls.

“Not that I entirely minded crawling to you in the communal dorm just to kiss you over the snores of your colleagues...” Ben bumps her nose with his gently.

“Yes, that certainly had a level of excitement. But we couldn’t do _this_ in their company.” Rey swivels on top of him and Ben jolts. With surprising force, she locks his hips down with her thighs. “It’s good to be back in Antarctica,” she whispers and dips to his face.

With a groan, Ben grabs her legs and arches into her. The residue of slumber falls away, his body instantly humming. “We did get pretty good at making our own heat, huh,” he rasps. Rey’s eyes sparkle as she brings her lips hungrily to Ben’s earlobe. He sighs, his fingers darting to the hem of her t-shirt to tug it away.

Still straddling him she sits up and removes her top. Ben, already shirtless, follows to dot her abdomen with insistent kisses, knowing that she enjoys feeling his lips dragging across her skin. At once her hands encircle his head and she bends closer to him, mouth open and eyes hooded. With a fluid movement, Ben flips them over and extends a long arm to tug her underwear off. Her eyes flare and she matches the action by pulling his briefs away.

 _Her skin feels like sunshine_ he thinks languidly, wrapping his fingers around her hips. They almost touch in the middle of her back. Ben shivers. At the precise moment he plans to dapple fervent kisses along her inner thighs, a clatter echoes down the hall. The ruckus is followed by a series of loud articulations that could be Finn’s voice.

Rey, flushed and alert, pulls her legs out from under Ben.

“Oh, poor Finn. He’s really rubbish in the kitchen. We’ll have to postpone that particular activity until later.” Rey bites her lip, clearly indecisive, then slips out of Ben. 

Instinctively he reaches out but she glides beyond his reach. Immediately grumpy, Ben slumps on the bed. “He’s a grown man. He can manage to make coffee and microwave breakfast...”

“I know. I probably coddle him too much,” Rey says, disappearing into a long-sleeve shirt. “But anyway, we should get moving. I want to visit Erebus today, to start tracking when exactly the cave entrance becomes passable.” As Rey speaks, she turns her back to him.

“Want me to come with?” Ben tries to steady his suddenly galloping heart. _Erebus. This is it. What I’ve been waiting for._ He leaps from bed and goes to their small joint closet. With a glance over his shoulder, Ben makes sure Rey is focused on tying her boots. Satisfied that she won’t notice, he withdraws a small box from inside one a sock and stuffs it into his pants.

“Most definitely. I thought it could be fun for you to photograph it again. You know, compare to the first photos you took.” Rey finishes her boot laces and stands. Her cheeks still look pink, like dawn clouds. 

Ben takes a step forward and embraces her. “That’s a great idea.” Her fingers twine with his and he smiles at the simple act of domesticity. “You go check on Finn. I’ll be right there.”

“Hopefully he hasn’t destroyed the kitchen.” She hugs him briefly, then bounds from their room.

The second the door clicks shut Ben scrunches his face. Plans for this day have been spiraling in his mind for months. He knew by the end of his first trip to Antarctica that he would propose to Rey, felt the gravity of their connection in the marrow of his bones. But figuring out precisely _when_ to ask was more challenging. Of course, the perfect location did eventually occur to him months ago. This also meant having to wait until their return to the southernmost continent. Patience has never been one of Ben’s strengths.

 _And here we are. Finally. I didn’t even have to suggest taking a walk over there. She has no idea what’s coming._ Ben grins, impressed by his ability to contain this secret for so long. His mother always told him how _“dreadfully transparent”_ he was, which wouldn’t bode well for a politician. But maybe he’s better at keeping things under wraps than she gave him credit for.

Ben finishes tugging on his boots and heads to the communal kitchen. It’s strangely quiet. When he comes into the space Ben stops.

Poe has his arm around Finn’s shoulders and both men are beaming. There’s a flash of movement and Ben realizes it’s _Finn placing his lips on Poe’s_ and Rey is making a squealing noise that is both too loud and too disorienting.

“Ben, we have news! Poe and I are dating!” The happiness on Finn’s face surpasses any elation Ben has ever witnessed from him. It causes a dominos of smiles all around as Ben steps fully into the kitchen.

 _Well that is not what I expected._ Before he can respond Rey makes another out-of-character noise. Then she dances over to him and nestles in his arms, never breaking her smile. “They were defiling our kitchen. That’s what caused the dishes to crash to the floor.”

Finn and Poe both look as though their cheeks have been painted vibrant shades of crimson. “No, it wasn’t like that--” Poe begins but stops when Finn gives him a shy look.

“It happened last night. We were up late drinking. And I let it slip how I’ve liked Poe for a while. He didn’t believe me, brought up how I was around Jannah. And of course, yeah, I liked her. But when she started dating Kay I obviously let that crush go.” Finn stares at Poe while he overshares, detailing the whole sequence of events with a glimmer in his eye. Ben holds Rey closer as he listens.

“And when he drunkenly confessed his crush I couldn’t believe it because _I’ve_ had a crush on _him_ since the last trip. I think that was definitely adding to my stress levels.” Poe tears his gaze from Finn’s to look at Rey. “And of course… my initial feelings for you definitely made me worry about the whole thing. You two being so close, and all.”

Rey breaks from Ben’s grasp. “I’m really happy for you both! There’s no reason why previous attractions should hold anyone back from current ones.” Rey nods, as if that’s the end of it, and drags them in for a hug.

After a beat, Ben crosses the kitchen in two strides and encircles everyone. 

“This is a good day,” Rey says inside the nest of arms. One of the guys sighs contentedly and another one, Finn probably, giggles.

_Yes, it most definitely is._  
  


* * *

  
They traipse across the sunlight encrusted snow hand-in-hand. Ben keeps his free fingers wrapped around the velvet box buried in his pocket. He feels like insects have taken up an unhappy residence in his ribcage. Trying not to vibrate with anxiety, Ben takes several deep breaths.

“You okay?” Rey’s eyes narrow with concern.

“Yes, yeah, totally fine. Wow,” he says quickly, pivoting away from his palpable nervousness. “Finn and Poe! After Kay and Jannah… after us? This place is clearly a romantic place.” Ben tries to keep his voice light. Or at least, he hopes he does.

He knows she’s smiling from the brightness in her voice. “Yes, it’s amazing. I’m so happy for all of us.” She tugs at his arm. “How are those other lovebirds, by the way? Have you heard from Kay?”

Ben’s grateful for this new topic. “She emailed me yesterday. They’re doing great. In fact, the gallery is opening by the time we get back to the States. And uh… I didn’t tell you. But they’re using a bunch of the portraits I took here, including probably a thousand of you.” He feels his cheeks flush.

Instantly, Rey crushes him in an embrace. “Ben! You most definitely should have told me my face will be plastered across various walls for strangers to gawk at!” Despite the reprimand, her eyes overflow with adoration. “I’m touched. It will be quite overwhelming but I look forward to your work being showcased.” Rey loosens her grip and keeps walking, elbow looped through his. 

Several seconds pass and Rey snorts. “I really would not have picked those two as art enthusiasts. But it makes sense now. Kay with her love of analyzing and discussing. Jannah with her organizational and management skills. Too bad we lost them both, though. Hux is not a great bus driver…”

Ben chuckles. “Phasma’s not a bad bartender, though. I think she’s intimidating enough to keep fights to a minimum.” He notices how dry his throat is and it seems to be getting worse the closer they walk to the ice tongue.

“That’s true. She doesn’t say much but I like her. And she’s even bigger than you are, which is quite the achievement.” Rey quirks a teasing smile at him.

“It’s nice to not be the hugest in the room. Most huge? You know what I mean…” His nerves feel completely frayed, skin clammy underneath his many layers.

Rey notices. _Rey always notices._

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he replies at once. “Guess I didn’t eat enough breakfast.” He sends his agitation through each step into the crusty snow. It helps to imagine he’s able to release his emotions into the ground, instead of carrying them like cumbersome weights.

When they reach their destination Rey takes off to check the entrance. Ben hangs back, trying to smooth out his mental script for what comes next. _Just speak from the heart,_ he hears his dad say with a smirk.

It doesn’t entirely help.

“Ben, come on! It takes a bit of wiggling but you can manage.”

Her voice sounds muffled around the edging of ice. Ben starts walking. _One step closer to her, to my future._ He gulps, trying to quell the flighty insects threatening to burst through his chest.

Ben breathes through an open mouth and lets his unsteady feet carry him to the cave. The entrance is indeed smaller than the previous time, but not by much. Rey cranes her neck up and around to note any minute differences she’s been trained to observe. Her breath comes out in delicate little puffs that quickly disband in the frigid air.

_This is it._

Ben walks until he’s in front of her, takes her hands, and inhales sharply. He’s sure she can hear the beat of his raucous heart. After a moment her eyes land on his and she smiles.

“Ben--”

“Rey--”

It’s a simultaneous attempt at communication that leaves them both laughing. Instantly the tension breaks and Ben exhales in relief. He works his lips and Rey speaks first.

“I’ll go. Thanks for coming,” she says slowly. “Not just _here_ but to Antarctica again. This place is special to me and it means the world you would choose to be here.”

Words evade him so he just nods emphatically.

Then, silence blossoms, so he decides to shift his legs. He bends a knee to the frozen ground. But a flurry of movement distracts him. Rey is seemingly mirroring him. They lock eyes and freeze.

“Wha--”

“Wait, are you…”

They grab hold of each other’s hands, midway to the ground.

“I’m going to propose. What are _you_ doing?” Rey asks, eyebrows encroaching on her hairline.

“ _You_ are?! _I_ am!” Ben can’t grasp what’s going on. Rey’s jaw hangs low and the silent seconds accumulate while they stare.

Rey overcomes her shock before he does. “I brought you here to ask you to marry me. Because I’ve never believed that task should fall on the male partner in a heterosexual relationship.” She stands, mouth contorted in a funny little grin that he hasn’t seen before. It’s like she discovered something unexpected, something wilder than her most outlandish hypothesis.

Ben follows her up. _Aren’t I always just following her?_ He swallows aggressively.

“We had the same exact idea. There’s something really poetic about that.” His voice sounds high and emotional. _Embarrassing._ But it doesn’t matter. The answer to his question was provided minutes ago and he hasn’t processed it yet.

Rey swells into him, arms and lips and eyelashes all fluttering, all aflame. She’s in his arms and he’s breathless and giddy and over the proverbial moon. _Over the glacier_ he thinks absently as melts into her warmth.

She pulls back, eyes full of water and joy. “Ben, I will most enthusiastically marry you. I’d marry you again and again, on every continent, in every ocean. I’d even marry you in outer space.”

He huffs, script long forgotten and words taking wing, flying out of his grasp. _You have to say something. ANYTHING._

“And I will marry you with more happiness than I have done anything before. With penguins as my witness, Rey.” He smiles wide enough to make his eyes crinkle and then his vision turns blurry. Tears streak her face as well. They collect and refract the blue-tinged light.

“I love you, Ben.” 

It’s a shock to his system, the way she says his name. Held close in her mouth, released into the air with such delight. He can’t imagine having any other name.

“I love you, Rey.” 

The simple sentence ends with fervent kisses and clumsy, gloved fingers buried in hair. _This day hasn’t gone at all how I planned. And it’s perfect._

Ben picks her up in a bridal carry and her look of surprise makes his heart jump gleefully. _I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel close enough to her. If I’ll ever feel like she’s near enough._

But here in the ice cave surrounded by ancient air and solid oceans, it’s a good start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this story. Your support really means a lot to me.

**Author's Note:**

> ✨Thank you for reading ✨ 
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](https://briaeveridian.tumblr.com/) where my SW obsession lives aggressively.


End file.
